I thank all of you for your advice and counsel regarding my visa problems, especially the recommendation that I avoid speaking Hebrew in Malaysia.
My sister suggested that I change these posts to a blog. After some thought, I decided against that because if I did, then I would have to pay more attention to spelling and grammar. Spell-check is a pain.
Not much has occurred in my idyllic life here in my Thailand subdivision except that I found a pizza joint nearby that specializes in Thai-Italian fusion New York style pizza. Basically it is pizza with a lot of pepper.
Although I love my subdivision style life, I am considering moving for a while closer to the sea-shore. When Hayden’s semester ends he may return to the US for the vacation. In that case the suburban life no matter how idyllic will probably kill me with ennui.
Did I mention the feral cats?
I am now thoroughly confused. I thought Hayden actually lives in Thailand, but then he wouldn’t be “returning” to the US. However, as long as you’re not confused, everything is no doubt okay.
Please don’t become a blog. It is fun to have your missives turn up in my email in-box. If you turn into a blog, I’ll have to go click on something and I’d rather not.
I haven’t heard this much from you in about 10 years, and I’m finding it all quite entertaining.
Can’t wait to hear how the visa processing turns out.
Hayden lives wherever his mother drags him off to, sometimes in Thailand, sometimes in California and sometimes in Italy. That’s the problem. By moving here I am trying to get some stability in his life. You know, things like socialization with his peers, education and the like. Unfortunately his mother is considering returning to San Francisco for a while and taking him with her. If that happens, I will be off to the beach.
dear joe –
it’s raining here in fountain valley, garden spot of the nation, and i have just turned down a lunch invitation. the weather description on my home (web) page reads “Current: Showers Wind: SE at 5 mph Humidity: 86%”. i don’t understand why the humidity is only “86%” and not 100% given i can see the water falling out of the sky into my backyard and being slurped up by the cushions on the chaise lounge on the patio. no one sits or lays on the furniture because it’s so old as to be disgusting in appearance, however my last wife insists that nothing be thrown away so the stuff stays there only used by felix the cat (we have no elephants or tigers here) on days when it’s not too unpleasant outdoors for felines; due to the precipitation i assume today is not one of those days.
i have just finished some sourdough toast and hot chocolate drink getting up late because it’s cleaning ladies day. for some reason every two weeks the cleaning ladies arrive at my house at 8:00 am forcing me to remain in bed with my door closed hoping that i don’t have to go to the bathroom. i figure that they are going to someone else’s house later in the day and have questioned why it is that i have to be subject to the early morning visits and not someone else but my questions and pleas are only met with stoic silence.
i have taken a liking to the rain although i am somewhat distressed by the spots on the living room ceiling. when it rains means i don’t have to feel guilty about not going outside or anywhere. furthermore everyone, don’t they? knows that rainy days are perfect for a nap! which is what i do everyday but take particular delight in doing on rainy days as i can use the excuse that its not just escapism that leads to the afternoon snooze but rather the patter of rain on the window sill. i have explained to physicians of some questionable professional excellence that when i am sleeping is the only time that i don’t feel shitty. when i tell them this they just look at me as if to say “duh”. when i arise it takes me about five minutes before my nose starts to run, my bowels turn and i fall apart. if i thought your prozac would work i’d take some, in fact maybe a whole bottle, but it won’t. for almost ten years imipramine did a fair job especially when it was combined with alcohol but then too it’s magical properties began to fade and when i decreased my alcoholic consumption and stopped working my body and mind once again began to show it’s fragility and exhibit what are generally referred to as symptoms of anxiety – although to tell you the truth i am no longer sure if it’s fear i’m fearing or just the idea of using the term to explain away the physical symptoms. i have been offered another antidepressant (zoloft) but have refused to take it unless the psychiatrist meets with me once a week to deal with what i assume are long seated emotional issues; unfortunately for me kaiser permanente does not offer such psychiatric services but rather relies upon treating the mentally ill with cognitive behavior therapy (which i have already taken in a group setting listening to ill-dressed or fat whining women complain about what a poor choice of a mate they made – this is not the stuff of my crises). i do admit a certain benefit to understanding cognitive therapy, although i despised the homework, but sometimes use what little i remember to correct my faulty thoughts.
i believe it’s nine questions one answers to determine if one is depressed and i usually nod affirmatively to at least seven; however, i know why i am depressed – i am unhappily married living in a vacant marriage, i have alienated my family, i haven’t lived up to my potential and feel guilty and worthless, i won’t let myself do anything to improve my life and finally i am in debt and not rich. i have to believe i will not receive a check from kaiser permanente to cover my physical wants like the trip from istanbul to venice on the orient express. anyway i’m on my own. in case of psychiatric emergency i can go to the nearest hospital but they will lock me in a room and that’s the last thing i need – i opt for a warm sandy beach with a pretty honey colored woman rubbing my back and scratching my head.
mostly i think it’s because i haven’t become anybody (the current expression i believe is, “i use to be somebody but now i am somebody else”). while i was busy making and spending money i fooled myself into believing i was somebody and would someday blossom into what i was meant to do – but what is that? i don’t seem to be good enough at anything. perhaps i could be a writer except, like you, i don’t like to use spell check and secondly i have nothing but drivel to write about and furthermore if there were grammar police i believe i would have already been arrested, convicted and hung. i once wanted to be in the theatre but i can’t memorize an alphabet yet alone lines from a script; besides jonny depp has made all of the movies i would have wanted to make except one. i took (opera) singing lessons and while my voice did improve i still can’t sing as well as some poor black kid who is going to be tomorrows no 1 on the hit parade. still i think i could have been a spokesman for the people. i don’t know that means politician, but i realized that i am not quick enough of wit to debate anyone let alone someone on fox news or msnbc and then again what “people” am i to be the spokesman for?! besides i don;t have an opriginal idea or thought in my head. so maybe i should settle on becoming a writer, but an unpublished one (it could happen) and maybe i won’t ever even write a book!
as for you, you have a wonderful opportunity with hayden. you can be the father you maybe never were but wanted to be with your now grown adult children. i envy you pal. go for it.
joseph – i just got through listening to tosca on the internet radio station of which i informed you. it’s a little tough to take so early in the morning but it fits my mood and i especially like the music without even thinking about the storyline.
i hope i wasn’t too depressing in yesterday’s email to you; unfortunately i have no one with whom to share my woes and so i picked you defenseless as you may be some thousands of miles and electrons away.
it’s still raining but i’m running out of food, so i need to get to the bank, pay some bills and then there is always the saturday lotto ticket to buy before it gets dark.
if you are in kuala lumpur (sp?) i hope it’s a short stay and you are safe. i beleive that the words translate to “muddy confluence”. wikipedia notes that “Kuala Lumpur alone has 66 shopping malls and it is the retail and fashion hub for Malaysia” so maybe you can pick up some fashionable goods to flaunt next time you are back home and visiting the mall in chaing mai.