It has been and interesting last few days, at least for me it has. On Saturday my sore throat and coughing had gotten so bad that I had to seek medical assistance. So, I went of the doctor who prescribed antibiotics, anti-congestion medicine and some little red pills to suppress my cough reflex. The package seems to be working. It cost me $9 for the doctor visit and $33 for the medicines (That’s the Farang [white people] uninsured costs); not as good as Medicare, but not too bad either.They also call me to ask how I’m doing and if I am taking my medicine.
Everyone must know by now my feelings about the American fundamentalist missionaries inhabiting the neighborhood. Of course it was destined that Hayden would make friends with the son of a missionary couple. They (the parents) have become as close to friends as I have here. I comfort myself with the delusion that they are the proletariat of the missionary class. Those that labor in the fields of the lord so to speak.
He, (I will not give their names to protect them from the risk of an Auto-da-fe) and she are employed by the Southern Baptist Convention and come from the US South. Her father is an ex-hippy guitarist now survivalist who retreated into the mountains around Eugene Oregon (where else) after having spent his best years in good old SF during the 60’s fathering an impressive number of children including our missionary.
He is assigned to brave the murky Muslim-Hindu waters of Bangladesh teaching modern emergency medical care to the inhabitants of the remote villages and picking up the odd soul here and there to add among the elect.
We try to avoid theology and instead meet in the “gosh ain’t it awful” field of human communication with our mutual antipathy for hierarchy.
It seems there is a developing rift between the “Mythologists” as he calls the workers in the field and the administrators and seminarians. The Mythologists are pleased whenever they locate someone who recognizes a similarity between their tradition and the so-called “Peace” message of the New Testament. The “Seminarians” appear to be only interested in the number of baptisms for that quarter. The wife added “and we don’t agree in buying baptisms either.” I immediately could see where they were out of the mainstream of American theological thought and needed the protection of anonymity.
He then told me that one of his students went back to research the Vedas and found passages that indicated that the supreme deity or Poo-bah (A Hindu word) indicated that he would send someone to bring peace to the land. I agreed that was a terrific insight and suggested that we create a new religion where we jettison the Old Testament and its dyspeptic homicidal god and replace it with the Vedas and the New Testaments as the revealed books. My suggestion was ignored.
He did come up with one item if information that I appreciated. I had gone off on my rant about the evils of hierarchical organizations, whether public or private, that reward those in management who produce little of value to the organization when compared to the laborer (white-collar or blue) and suggested management positions should only go to those willing to take a pay cut. He pointed out that his organization pays everyone at the same rate, increasing it only based on seniority. “How un-American, socialist, and unchristian” I thought.
My missionary friend told the story that he had asked some Bangladeshis how it was that Muslim would kill Muslim as they did during the revolt of Bangladesh from Pakistan.
They explained that the Pakistani soldiers were told they were killing Hindus and therefore they had no problem. However when the soldiers lifted the tunics or whatever of the dead they found they were circumcised. They then realized that the people they had killed were not Hindu but were either Jew or Muslim men (women did not matter) and while it was all right to kill them if they were Jews it was definitely a no-no if they were Muslims. In either event, they understood that they had been lied to by their leaders and refused to fight anymore. And that is how Bangladesh became the independent, economic and social basket case it is today.
Anyway all this kumbya was ruined when he mentioned that since it was Sunday he had to get to a church service. To my annoyance he invited me to come along. He said it would be a unique and unusual service in that they would sing a few songs, then read a few verses from scripture and discuss how they apply to their lives. There would be no minister but the most knowledgeable there would help the individuals in their self-analysis. I told him It sounded a lot like Hill-el developed 2000 years ago when he and his followers created Rabbinic Judaism. His smile turned into a grimace. “Maybe next time” he said, picked up his guitar and piled his family into their SUV and went off.
As Hayden and I walked home, I wondered why the mere mention Judaism would produce that sort of reaction. After all, unlike the other people of the book, Christians and Muslims, who run around the world-beating each on the on the head and demanding join each other’s men’s club (and men’s clubs they are) or they will kill you, Jews don’t even want you to join their club and certainly do not want to join ours.
When I got home and took my nap and had a biblical dream that I will not relate here for fear of offending everyone. However if anyone would like to hear my revelatory dreams drop me a line. They are titled “Successful camel breeder and brewer forms new mens club and almost kills son in process” and “Oh my God” squeal the women of Jerusalem as Jesus of Nazareth tips the scales on Paul of Tarsus”. Needless to say I woke up in a cold sweat.
That night I invited my missionary friends, Jerry the New Zealander and his wife Choti who is the principal of the school, two New Zealand taxi drivers and their girlfriends who were visiting Jerry, Mac’s father, whose name is Oo by the way and the 4 and 5-year-old children of the various guests. We ate at the outdoor street end restaurant run by the shriveled up lady that I mentioned in a previous post. The total meal for everyone cost me $30 half of which was for the beer and wine.
The mysterious building pictured in my previous post is a crematorium. It was in use today as I passed. It looked like a Thai biker gang was sending off one of its members into the joy of re-incarnation. The superstitions of the Thai’s fear of ghosts depressed the prices of the land near the crematorium enabling Choti, the principal of the school to get the land on which it is built, at a low price.
FROM MY DIARY LEADING UP TO POST:
FRIDAY MARCH 19 2010 3PM
Hot again. Lying on bed sweating. Rain brought a morning’s respite from the air pollution but my throat is feeling its return this afternoon. No exercise, just lying in bed. Typing at times, sleeping mostly.
SUNDAY MARCH 21 2010, 9:30 PM
Interesting few days. Went to Hospital yesterday for relief of my sore throat and coughing. Dr cost about $9 and 6 day antibiotics, decongestant/expectorant and cough suppressant $30.
Hiromi deposited $2766 Tax refund into my account. I removed about 20,000 baht. Deposited 12,000 into Thai account (What Happened to the remaining 8,000?).
Last night Hayden told me some interesting things that I relayed to Nikki. See email.
Spent morning with Micah’s parents. Southern Baptist Convention Missionaries. Husband spends most of his time in Bangladesh teaching emergency first aid and trying to convert muslims. Wife daughter of hippie father. Conversation mentioned a Bengali telling H. Veda seemed to suggest need for a JC. I suggested that maybe that is a good reason to throw out the old testament.
H. invited me to attend a what he termed an unusual Sunday service in a house to discuss bible passages and their personal meaning. I mentioned that it sounded a lot like a traditional Jewish service.
When I got home and took my nap I dreamed of something like this:
I saw old Abraham in his tent drunk on fermented camel’s milk surrounded by his sons. Outside the tent his wives, concubines and slaves tended the cook fire and drew lots to see who would sleep with the smelly old bastard that night.
Old Abe was raving about the rejection of his application to join the Babylon Men’s Camel Dung Rolling Club. That’s when he realized the truth. “O my God I must be Jewish”.
“Why would I want to join their damned club anyway” he shouted “they could not be very exclusive if they would allow someone like me living in a tent join”. And with that antisemitism and jewish humor were born.
“I will form my own club and will not let anyone join. I will show them real exclusivity”.
Isaac, a pimply faced overweight adolescent, feared this could lead to the end of his sneaking out of the tent at night after the old man passed out for some action with the sweet-smelling Babylonian girls leaving him only with the camel herding women his dad preferred, protested. “We can’t do that we don’t have a membership card or anything.”
Abe stared at Isaac who he dislike and surmised was probably gay. He thought “maybe I should kill him now before he gets a chance to breed”.
“We will make our own membership cards”. “Clay tablets” Abe announced.
Everyone groaned. “No you’re right, too heavy. It will break the line of our tunics. Tattoos” he exclaimed “No, everyone’s got tattoos nowadays”. “I’ve got it” he exclaimed “We’ll cut off the ends of our dicks. Nobody will have membership card like that”.
“You got to be kidding” cried Isaac.
With that Abe grabbed his knife jumped over the fire grabbed Isaac by the shirt and said “I’ve had enough of you, you little shit, prepare to die.”
In good biblical tradition Isaac thought quickly and lied. ” Wait” he said “I see the hand of God what’s his name staying your hand from killing your son because he and all your sons submit to the will of what’s his name”.
With that Abe relented killing Isaac. Instead he cut off the end of every male present’s dick. At the moment of initiation each one screamed “Yowee that hurts”.
When it was all over Abe rested. He looked at all his sons writhing in agony on the floor of the tent and said, “You know, I like that. Up to now whenever the guys hung out talking about their gods it was always Ishtar this and Baal that. They would all laugh when I mentioned the god whose name could not be uttered. From now on in recognition of this event whenever we utter we shall utter that the name of our all-powerful creator, “Yowee”. What do you think?”
In my dream I wondered how they were able to identify one another as member of the men’s club. Groping under each others tunic was a little more obvious than a Masonic handshake Maybe they originally had their meetings in the health club shower.
Anyway my dream fast forwarded to 33 AD (although they did not know it at the time, thinking it was 3000 years or something since god rested) and the throng (We no longer throng today, we crowd, what a loss) was pressing forward to enter the temple on the sabbath, the day people thronged to the temple, a building that replaced the health club showers .
The guard at the gate of the temple in Jerusalem stopped one of the throng who happened to be Jesus. “Hey you. Only Jews allowed to enter the temple. You Jewish. You don’t look Jewish with that fruity double-pointed red beard”.
“My good man”, said Jesus (he was a Rhodes Scholar and had studied in England) “of course I’m Jewish, I speak Hebrew as though I never learned Aramaic”.
“Anyone can learn Hebrew” responded the guard. “Whip it out and put in on the table.”
Now Jesus had no problem with whipping it out given all the time he spent with the ladies and all that lying of the head on the breast and that sort of thing and he was quite proud of his membership card. So he whipped it out and everyone getting a look at it exclaimed “Oh my God”.
“That’s right” said Jesus, “Now all of you get out of my fucking temple”.
Now where Jesus was quite proud in his membership in Judaism, Paul was less so. Where they all marveled at Jesus Membership ,they all laughed when Paul whipped his out. So Paul went to the Apostles (Jesus’ biker buddies) gathered in Jerusalem (Apostles “gather” they do not “throng or “crowd”)and said to them “This membership card thing isn’t working. It’s too hard to get anyone to join and tithe. Since we’re the new guys (and guys we are) we need a new card. Besides aren’t you all a little tired of having to show your card every time before you give a sermon”
“Good thought Paul” said Peter who although not afflicted by the results of being kicked by a horse on the way to Damascus as was Paul, was a shy man. What should the new membership card be?”
“Faith shining through their eyes” said Paul.
“How would anyone know” questioned Peter.
“We will know. Besides if the light shines through everyone’s eyes what difference would it make”.
And the rest is History. And I awoke
Earlier today I went to the Bank withdrew 30,000 baht from BOW acct. Deposited 20,000 in BKKB pers. acct. Kept 10,000.
Hosted dinner party with missionaries, Choti and Jerry two NZ tourists and Thai girlfriends, Mac’s father and assorted children 950 baht. About $3 each including wine and beer.
COMMENTS TO POST:
Joe to Nikki:
1. attached is an update of the Chiang Mai expense account. As you can see, on the 23rd paid 2000 baht to Maid at Natalie’s direction for Food and 500 for the tree murder. As usual Natalie is double counting. Anyway, I paid 1000 baht for this weeks food from my personal account to make up for some of this.
Nevertheless it looks like we will be slightly over budget for food and for school but on budget for everything else. We still need to pay the Maid her salary. When I receive your share I will do so.
2. Natalie called and told me she will be taking Hayden out of school on April 1 and bringing him to Switzerland to stay with you while you attend your course. If this is so, please let me know the particulars. I assume she intends to ask Choiti to apply a portion of the summer school fees that we paid, to Mac’s tuition. I thinkt hat is unfair to Choti.
Anyway, will Hayden be coming back to Chiang Mai? I am sure she will take him to the US for school after she leaves Switzerland.
She asked me if I intended to go to Switzerland. I would love to, but I do not see how I can afford it.
More from Joe to Nikki:
Natalie called this morning. She wanted me to buy Hayden a ticket to travel to BKK with Mac and Oo on Friday. She said she would like to see Hayden in BKK because she is unable to travel to CM this weekend. I do not know how long he is to stay in BKK and if he will return to CM before departing for Switzerland.
Hayden told N. that he did not want to go to BKK without Pookie.
I will use the time to go to the seashore myself to find some air I can breathe.
Let me know what is going on, if you know.
I don’t have a clue what she is planning to do of course something crazy and irrational as usual
My idea is coming to CM before i start my course for few days and let the baby stay there as long as possible till is finished the summer school
Before they will come to europe i need to settle myself in Zurich see how is the hotel and how is my schedule, i will move there on the 7th of april so is no rush to get the kids back to bkk right away
On the other end if i cannot visit CM then will organize something else.
Joe to Nikki again:
Ok, latest news.
Haden is going to BKK on Friday. I will go also. He will stay with N. I will go to the beach somewhere. I will take him back with me to CM on Tuesday March 30. I assume you will come to CM about then and make arrangements for them to visit you in Zurich. I guess all is well.
let me see what is going on in her brain then call u back
I think the kids are going to the beach somewhere for few days then she want to go to italy before i move to zurich because her tahi friends are coming for a convention in venice sometime in april after that i will pick them up to stay with me in swiss for the month i guess
Big question what happen next?
Like i said i want hayden in CM for school and i will be resolute about that no matter what she want to do so i think u have to organize ur life around those events
Since we spoke, I talked with Natalie. I asked her if Hayden was going to return with me to Chiang Mai on Tuesday or if he was going with her to Italy at that time. She said that she intended to leave for Italy at the end of the month. I explained that Tuesday was the end of the month. She said she still needed to make all the arrangements. I asked her when she planned to return. She said not for at least two months. She had to go to Italy and then to the United States. She could not be sure how long it would be.
I said that since Hayden was not coming back to Chiang Mai on Tuesday there was no reason for me to come to BKK. Typically, she said that she wanted me to take him to the beach for a few days so that she can have peace to get some things done before she left.
For that matter whatever is going to happen is nothing i can do it to force her to keep the kid in CM after all she is her legal mother.
Unless u pull up the wild card we can’t do much to avoid the worst what i am intended to do is at least bring hayden back sometime in CM after the summer break either myself or with her and i will try hard to do this cause i want him finish the school there but this will only postpone the problem cause the next year is going to be the same trouble.
also he has to change the school next year that means more money more distance and so on. I don’t care how much will cost me but i want him to stay in CM till at least is 7\8 years
I want to ask her a question what is the need to go to US?
can u answer me that too?
GOD protect that innocent baby
.i still have energy and strenght to figth to prevent the worst possible scenario
He should stay in school until the end of April. At that time I can bring him to Zurich for three weeks and return with him to CM in time for the new semester. Why don’t you ask her not to bring him with her right now, but have me bring him in a few weeks so that I will be able to get him back in time to start the school semester? I will ask her the same thing tomorrow.
It will do you no good to ask her why she has to go to the US, she will only come up with another story. I feel very bad for Hayden. It is not a question of who ends up with him. but how does he end up. I am afraid that innocent little boy will be distroyed by her. If he does not start school at the same time as the other students, he will never catch up. If he is forced into a new school, whatever benifits these past few months have had on him will be lost. The idea of taking him away now in the middle of the summer semester because it serves your schedule as well as hers does not help Hayden one bit.
I do not think you will be able to bring him back after the summer break in time for the new semester since your training program will not be completed. If you were able to bring him back after the new semester starts and he has to catch up to the other students while living with a nanny, what good will it all do him.
Outside of that, I do not know what to suggest to you.
Just to clarify and update:
1) she is coming in italy for a week by herself with this madame on 1 or 2 of april
2) ill try to visit on 31st of march for few days reaching u guys in pattaya
( Suggest u to take mac and father too so u can have a break sometimes i went there with hayden last year and is gonna be hard to take care of him 24 hrs believe me)
3)she and hayden will visit me in Zurich on the middle of the month.
4)they will return to bkk before hayden starts the school for the next semester
How much of that is going to happen???????
And Nikki again:
I JUST GOT MY APRIL SCHEDULE I AM BUSY FOR THE ALL MONTH NO HOLYDAYS NO DAYS OFF SO I WAIT HAYDEN HERE IN SWITZERLAND HOPEFULLY SOON.
Rearrange ur trip if u want since i am not coming this time and i think is better for him not to loose too much schooldays
call me if u need suggestions or advices
OK. I will take him to BKK on Friday, go to the beach and return to CM on Tuesday. I will wait for Nat to tell me when she is going to Switzerland.
I will bear the costs of the beach vacation. Nat said you agreed to pay Hayden’s air fatres. We also need to pay Maid first week in April. Suggest you deposit directly into the joint account at your bank in Italy.
Shit, I need to cut back on drinking, whoring around or slumming just to find time for these epistles you’re sending now (speaking of religion and all)! Isn’t there a Gilbert’s outline or something available?
Jim made a proposal for going forward with the L.A. folk, a breakdown of the current fees, credit for what they paid, etc. We should hear something soon since they have their case is coming up in a couple of weeks.
P.S. Stay away from those religious types, something might rub off on you!