Posts Tagged With: Sicilian
“A man is never too young to kill, never too wise, never too strong, but he can damn well be too rich.”
Brown, Pierce. Golden Son (The Red Rising Trilogy, Book 2 (p. 41). Random House Publishing Group.
R.I.P. Terry Pratchett. Discworld will live forever.
Pratchett, the inverse of Spock, turned logic on its head and found truth. May they enjoy each other’s company wherever they are.
TODAY FROM AMERICA:
A. POOKIE’S ADVENTURES IN EL DORADO HILLS:
The weather in EDH has gone from pleasant to marvelous, the afternoons in the mid-seventies. The sky a deep blue, now and then dappled with clouds.
A few days ago I read that some scientists suspect the perception of the color blue is a recent innovation for humanity. They were put on to this theory by the fact that Homer never mentioned the color blue in his works (nor did most ancient texts such as the Bible). Homer’s description of the Aegean as the “wine dark sea,” a sea that to us today is decidedly blue, led them to conclude, either the sea was a different color then (wine is not blue even at its darkest) or something was different in the color perceptions of the ancients. They then discovered that people in societies today that have no word for blue, when asked the color of the sky, most often respond that it was colorless. A modern tribe that has no word for blue but several for green can see differences in green not perceived by the rest of us. So given that colors are merely reflections of certain frequencies of light, what is going on? This freaks me out. When I look at the deep blue skies over the golden foothills what, if anything, am I seeing?
Alas, still no rain. Paradise before the fall?
So, I have now completed a PET and a CT (CAT) scan. I guess my next one will be a RAT, BAT or perhaps even a VET scan.
Nikki arrived. He plans to stay for about a week. This means that a lot more noise and a bit more laughter it the house. H has been fitted with braces and is unhappily suffering through the irritation of getting used to them.
With Nikki attending to H, I spend even more of my time in my room trying to find something interesting to read other than Facebook and trashy novels. Recently I even have begun to look forward to my medical appointments.
While having coffee with Reed a few days ago, he mentioned that the Coastal Conservancy staff said that they did not know what a coastal restoration project is, despite the fact that their implementing legislation specifically directs the agency to do them.
During breakfast with Nikki, he asked what would I do if I was no longer living in EDH. I said that I would probably still do much of what I do now. I would divide my time between; California, probably as much as possible with my sister and brother in law in Mendocino; Italy, at Nikki’s home at Saliceto in the Alpine foothills or Sabina or Sicily; and Thailand, although I would prefer moving out of BKK and back to the beach. Winters at the beach in Thailand, Spring and Fall somewhere along the California coast and Summers in the Alps it seems would not be such a bad life.
Roccantica in Sabina
Jomtien Beach, Thailand
My visit to the orthodontist with H was a revelation. The waiting area was more playroom than office with its jungle motif, separate play areas and massage chairs for parents. The staff of about 20 or so seemed to have overdosed on ebullience as though they had hit the nitrous-oxide on the way to work. The staff was all women except for the man himself, the orthodontist, the chief giggler himself — the lord of the manor — the Caliph. I used to wonder who lived in those super large homes that line the ridges of EDH. I now imagine they are all inhabited by happy-talking orthodontists.
El Dorado Hills is an almost place, almost a forest, almost a mountain, almost a city, almost a community and living here is almost a life.
Well, I can put my hypochondria back in its box for a while. The PET scan came back negative for any evidence of migration by big C into other parts of my body. Now, if the biopsy shows signs of it in the nodule itself, the doctor believes it can be safely removed without resort to either radiation or chemo.
My very dear friend from Sicily, Luigi (Gigi) Gallo, who suffers from Parkinson’s, recently slipped, fell and broke his leg. He appears to be recovering. I hope all goes well with him. Last year, after an over 40-year hiatus, I visited Sicily and had a wonderful time with him, catching each other up on our lives over the last 40 years and reminiscing about our time together in Sicily and Rome.
B. BOOK REPORT:
I read “The Girl on the Train,” by Paula Hawkins. It is an interesting book in spite of it being a best seller. All ten or so characters in the novel are reprehensible. It is difficult to care about which ones deserve to die (they all deserve to do so). Yet, their very insensitivity to their own irresponsibility despite their intense and constant preoccupation with it that gives the story whatever appeal it has.
Pookie says, “Check it out.”
A. Quigley on Top:
As for one of the primary organizational elements of Western society, capitalism, in its constantly changing form over its 1000 year existence, Quigley has the following to say about its role:
“…capitalism, because it seeks profits as its primary goal, is never primarily seeking to achieve prosperity, high production, high consumption, political power, patriotic improvement, or moral uplift. Any of these may be achieved under capitalism, and any (or all) of them may be sacrificed and lost under capitalism, depending on this relationship to the primary goal of capitalist activity— the pursuit of profits. During the nine-hundred-year history of capitalism, it has, at various times, contributed both to the achievement and to the destruction of these other social goals.”
Quigley, Carroll. Tragedy and Hope: A History of the World in Our Time. GSG & Associates Publishers.
Although Quigley refers to it in this other works of his, the above quote does not mention the impact on society of Debt and the Merchants of Debt, Creditors, even though they are many thousands of years older than Capitalism and Capitalists. If one were to rewrite Quigley’s quote with debt in mind, it might go something like this:
“Debt and Creditors, the Merchants of Debt, because they seek repayment of the loan and the interest due thereon as their primary goal, never seek prosperity, high production, high consumption, direct political power, patriotic improvement, or moral uplift. Instead they seek to assure that the value of the principle and interest remain constant or increase by encouraging depression of the economy to eliminate the potential for that prosperity, high production and high consumption to encourage inflation and reduce the value of their future returns. Interest in political power is limited to issues of so called “sound money” politics. Over their 4000 year history, the Merchants of Debt have rarely, if ever, contributed anything to a society’s patriotic improvement or moral uplift other than to assist in their destruction now and then.”
It is important to understand that banking and capitalism, although they more often than not work together, they are not the same thing nor do they have the same institutional goals or the same impacts on society. Capitalism is as subject to the demands of the Merchants of Debt as is the rest of society. Because of the overwhelming impact of debt on society, the Old Testament of the Bible and most civilizations until the 10th Century AD in Europe encouraged periodic forgiveness of debts. It could be argued that the Lord’s Prayer New Testament plea to “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” refers to the Old Testament practice as well as, if not more than, it does to other moral transgressions.
There exists and inherent conflict between Capitalists and the Merchants of Debt. The former risk their wealth on investments in enterprise, the latter abhor risk of any sort.
B. Molly’s Poem:
A New Years Poem
I have a desperate attraction to new beginnings
Sometimes the numbers on the calendar look so beautiful
Today’s the day I drink less and run more
No smoking, all veggies
Honesty, integrity, self-reliance, perseverance, creativity,
No fear, live large,
Dream big, be bright, believe in love and believe in yourself!
And I do
Today is an auspicious day
Today is my new beginning
Sometimes I just feel it, on a Tuesday
Today’s the day I keep doing yoga
I don’t back down when I’m right
I go to bed at a reasonable hour, pay my bills on time
Clean out the toe jam, learn all those languages
All the little steps start here and I’m climbing
I can feel it now, right now, and I won’t look back
This is it!
Today is an auspicious day
Today is my new beginning
Then I find myself making the same mistakes
Who manufactured the grooves in my record?
How would it feel if the DJ scratched me across the turntable?
The dissonant rip, like a zipper coming undone
A cut away from the 4/4 time that I was trying so hard to hold
But this is why the crowd came to the club
To hear the sound of the universe tearing into a new song
The maligned has become music
We throw our hands up and we dance
I am scratched across the turntable and the crowd is screaming
We are scratched and screaming
And the dj takes it back, and the song plays
All of it is beautiful
Every moment new
Every moment auspicious
Every moment beginning
C. Zander’s Perceptions
“Lentil Soup and Lent
Yesterday I made a pot of lentil soup as well as a loaf of bread, since the weather demands it. I realized that while my back was screwing with me last week, I missed out on Mardi Gras on Tuesday. I have not been a practicing Catholic for . . . yikes. That would be over a half a century. I do dig McDonald’s having cheap Filet o Fish sandwiches (YEEE-Hah!!) during Lent, so naturally I will take advantage of that for the next 5 weeks.
But here’s the thing. Stay with me on this: When the kids were still in elementary school and their mom was on the dating scene, which I called the “Boyfriend of the Month Club,” I decided not to date. One parent dating like a rat in heat and dragging impressionable young kids to these men’s homes was bad enough; it didn’t need to be repeated by me.
I knew that the dating cycle was about 5 weeks is because that is how often I’d be asked for my recipe for scaloppine alla Marsala, the dinner she’d prepared for those guys. And I wouldn’t date.
It got to the point, though, that those years were adding up. Because I did the celibate parent thing voluntarily, I believe I should be allowed to give it up for Lent. Got it now?
So in Rome, we’ve got Il Papa, Pope Francis, who reflects virtually political and social position I have. I’m going to throw myself at his mercy and see if there is a special dispensation in his heart to allow me to give up celibacy for Lent. I’m guessing that he’d go for it. Hell — he can even live vicariously through me, if he wants. So I am confident.
Do I have any volunteers?
D. Granddaughter’s Painting:
E. Today’s Paraprosdokian:
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?
Sometimes I wonder if the American South is really another country or whether most Southerners are actually illegal aliens residing in the US. Surely a people who are so poorly educated, in such ill health, so superstitious and immoral and so unambitious cannot be real American citizens. Should we require them to go back to where they came from? Who would have them?
These people seem to insist on remaining poor, illiterate, diseased, religion obsessed and immoral. Shouldn’t we allow them to endure that state? Perhaps laws like, unemployment, social security, Obama care and the like should not apply to the South?
We do not have a poverty problem or a racial problem or a health problem or a moral problem or an immigration problem in the United States. We have a Southern problem. We have always had a Southern problem.
Point Cabrillo Light House, Mendocino
1982, Sicilian mafioso Filippo Marchese is killed. He was in charge of what became known as the Room Of Death, a small apartment along the Piazza Sant Erasmo Road. Victims who stood in the way of the Corleonesi of Totò Riina during the Second Mafia War were lured there to be murdered, usually by being garroted. Their bodies were either dissolved in acid or chopped up and dumped out at sea. Marchese was also garroted and dissolved in acid like so many of his own victims. He was so elusive that the authorities did not learn of his death until the late 1980s through an informant.
Today’s Petrillo comment:
Please review the attached important announcement.
Regarding my last post, some of you have commented that they prefer reading the travelogues. Others of you like my Historical riffs and observation on local customs best. Most of you who have commented say that they like the “Today’s factoid” while they could do without “Today’s Quote” (this surprises me since I rather enjoy the discovery of the “bon mot”).
A number of you have found my recitations of political or social opinion or observations about my body and those of others and the like, an acquired taste. Ruth has called them my “epistles”. Others of you have called them “weird” (a comment I alas have received quite often). Irwin, in his satirical survey a few weeks back that I shared with you requested, “keep me off the list that contains gross descriptions of politicians, Thai food, the man on the street, and fat german female tourists, fully clothed or (worse) semi-nude.”
I fell a little like the media mogul juggling his lineup of shows so that he can make even more money than he needs in order to use it to corrupt the political process. I on the other hand do this for fun although, I must admit, I would love to be able to corrupt the political process too.
And so, until oh maybe the next post, I shall move my travelogue back to the front page. But, I intend to keep the titles and chapter headings which I have grown to like.
“Today’s quote”, will drop to the end just before “Ciao” and any attachments.
My epistles will now be relegated to attachments, however they will hereafter be entitled, Pookie’s Epistle to the “Thai email list” number X + __. This now being the first will be numbered X + 1.
Pookie’s continuing adventures in Thailand:
NOWHERE AND BACK AGAIN
CHAPTER V: BEWILDERED IN AYUTTHAYA
The next morning I left my room and went down to the lobby to have coffee and to wait for the others. I assumed I would be waiting for a while since they had gone night-clubbing last night and did not return until about four in the morning.
It had rained last night and the busy street in front of the motel was flooded with water deep enough to entirely cover the tires of an ordinary car.
As I drank my coffee, I watched as the different vehicles drove or at times were pushed through the water. The motor bikes were especially interesting. Some of the riders would ride or walk their bikes through the water drenching their trousers or dresses. Others however would motor through the water happily perched on their seat, the soles of their feet gaily resting on the handlebars. Every now and then a motor bike would be swamped by the wake thrown off by the by the large buses rushing to wherever, as though there were no flood.
Eventually my companions awakened, we bid good-by to Lek and started off bleary eyed to cross the central.lowlands once again.
We reached Ayutthaya a little after midday and drove into the city.
Ayutthaya was the capital of Thailand or Siam as it was then called from the Fourteenth to the Eighteenth centuries when it was overthrown and destroyed by the invading Burmese. It was more or less governed as an absolute monarchy where much of the population lived in a form of serfhood or slavery. The kings in addition to their political status were also the religious leaders of the country, a lot like the Renaissance Popes in the Papal States. A number of the kings saw their monkish life to be at least as, if not more important than the affairs of state. Coupled with the fact that there lacked clear rules for succession when the old king died, the kingdom was often in a state of turmoil as one general or another or one royal prince or another rebelled and as often as not usurped the throne.
Nevertheless, the kingdom lasted for over 400 years as the dominant force in all or South East Asia (more than twice as long as the United States) until it was overthrown. During its heyday, it controlled in one way or another, in addition to the territory of modern Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Malaysia, Singapore and much of Burma.
At one time during the Seventeenth Century the city of Ayutthaya was reputed to be the largest city in the world with about one million inhabitants. Now all that is left are the red brick ruins of the royal precincts standing like Ozymandias (See today’s attachment) as a reminder of the ephemeral nature of fame and power.
We drove around for a while looking for something, up and down the same back roads, past the same corners, calls were made, maps consulted, pedestrians interrogated. When I inquired as to what was going on, I was told that a friend of ours, Jo-Jo, who used to work at AVA now lived in this city with her husband and child.
Eventually it seemed we found what we were looking for in the center of the ruins of the old Siamese capital. We pulled to the curb and waited, then drove off and returned to the same spot by a different route. We waited again for about a minute than drove off again, taking a third route and returning again to the same spot for the same minute or so and then drove off again, this time not returning but proceeding back onto the highway and continuing our transect of the lowlands.
I did not ask what all the driving and stopping was about deciding that sometimes it is more interesting not knowing something than knowing it.
Buttercup: “We’ll never survive!”
Westley: “Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.”
– The Princess Bride
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
Percy Bysshe Shelly (1818)
If one wants to compare good poetry with the not so good compare Shelly’s poem above with the one below both published a month apart and covering the exact same subject.
In Egypt’s sandy silence, all alone,
Stands a gigantic Leg, which far off throws
The only shadow that the Desert knows:
“I am great OZYMANDIAS,” saith the stone,
“The King of Kings; this mighty City shows
“The wonders of my hand.” The City’s gone,
Nought but the Leg remaining to disclose
The site of this forgotten Babylon.
We wonder, and some Hunter may express
Wonder like ours, when thro’ the wilderness
Where London stood, holding the Wolf in chace,
He meets some fragments huge, and stops to guess
What powerful but unrecorded race
Once dwelt in that annihilated place.
Of course, with a name like Percy Bysshe Shelly one would have to grow up to be a poet,… or a serial killer. Someone named Horace Smith on the other hand probably became an accountant.
Today’s bonus attachment:
As a proud father, I send this along to you. It is the best birthday present I could imagine.
Comments regarding the Post:
From Ruth Galanter:
Very cool about Jessica!
Remind me what ISN stands for.
International Security and Nonproliferation Bureau.
What makes me especially proud is not only the quality of the report, but that it sets the standard to be followed for all countries that are signatories to the Biological Weapons Non-proliferation Treaty. As far as I can tell, it is only through the amassing of these CBM reports can the provisions of the Treaty be implemented.
As a collateral benefit of the report, the institutions, resources and mechanisms mentioned in it are also applicable to the response to natural occurring plagues and epidemics.
One of the important although unmentioned impacts of the report is that it represents one of the few times that the multiple agencies in the national security (including international agencies) field have worked cooperatively with one another and with ,private and academic laboratories and scientists to produce something like this. I would guess that as long as the people involved remain in their positions with their current institutions, the promise of continued cooperation in times of crises may become a reality.
1239 AD. King Edward I of England is born (1239-1307, ruled 1272-1307). At his coronation in 1272, 278 bacon hogs, 450 pigs, 440 oxen, 430 sheep and 22,600 hens and capons are consumed by the guests.
(After this, having killed off all the animals in the kingdom, the english ate only cabbage for the next 100 years)
“Humble with the humble. Great with the great. He showed with words and deeds that his Mafia was not criminal. It stood for respect for the law, defense of all rights, greatness of character: it was love.”
Elegy for Calogero Vizzini brutal Sicilian Mafia boss on his death in 1954. Among his many acts of love in defense of the law was his ordering the massacres of peaceful labor protestors at an election rally in the Sicilian village of Villalba. Vizzini was the mayor of the town at the time having been installed by the American expeditionary forces in Sicily as a reward for assisting Lucky Luciano in obtaining Mafia support for the allied invasion of Sicily during World War II.
Pookie’s continuing adventures in Thailand:
Three or so hours later we had crossed the entire central plains of the country and arrived at the beginning of the mountains. The trip across the lowlands being notable mostly for the melancholy press of Thai traffic and the huge blue sea of a sky sporting an archipelago of white clouds. On each side of the highway spread the shocking green of the still flooded rice paddies that define central Thailand with their rapidly maturing plants . These were not your cute little paddies tended by picturesque farmers in conical hats, but paddies of many acres each in size, much like those one sees in California’s Central Valley near Sacramento. It is from these paddies that Thailand feeds much of southern Asia.
The paddies were thronged with hoards of the Southeast Asian version of egrets and herons (Storks? Spoonbills?). Not one or two here and there or the hundred or so one sees while traveling along the Coast Highway in Bolinas Lagoon by the rookery there, but hundreds and hundreds maybe even thousands all told, standing one-legged, head cocked with sharp beak and dark baleful eye searching to devour whatever wiggles within their reach. Above them swarmed flocks of the Asian equivalent of starlings and swallows swooping up any insect rising from the water.
The first city we encountered was Kanchanburi, where almost 20 years ago Richard “Uncle Mask” McCarthy, Bill Gates and I ventured to view the Bridge over the River Kawai (or fully translated, Buffalo River Bridge). It was on that trip, if I remember correctly, that the three of us came up with the idea of opening a bar in Bangkok. Originally we thought of naming it, “California Dick’s,” but Richard was still sensitive about his youthful nickname. Then in a fit of originality, we came up with the alternative name “California Joe’s” (I having no objection to embarrassment and humiliation). When we suggested it to our Thai partners, they objected because Thais could not pronounce long western names. So, despite the fact that our target cliental would be westerners and not Thai, we acceded to the name AVA. The first of what would be many mistakes in our business, social and personal dealings with our Thai partners.
The Bridge over the River Kawai was an Oscar-winning movie that glorified the heroic deaths of the 16,000 allied prisoners who were forced by the Japanese during World War II to labor on the construction of the bridge and the railroad line between Kanchanburi and Burma that came to be known as the “Death Railway,” but failed to acknowledge the 10 times as many Southeast Asian slave laborers who also died in its construction.
Alec Guinness played the British military officer in charge of building the bridge on behalf of the Japanese who goes bat shit over the attempt by the allies to take down the bridge by sabotage. In real life the bridge was destroyed in an allied bomber attack.
The city has grown considerably since we were there. The allied prisoners who died working on the bridge are buried in a cemetery that at the time we were there was located in a rural area surrounded by fields and meadows. It appeared then to be large and stately. Now the city has grown up all around it and the cemetery mostly looks surprisingly small and forlorn.
We met up with a woman friend of Gun Girl’s named Lek and stopped for dinner. No sooner had we sat down, when a police car drove up disgorging a handsome young Thai policeman who proceeded to walk off hand in hand with Teddy Bear Boy. They did not return until we were finished with dinner and were ready to leave, about an hour or so later. After talking a few photos of the cop and TBB with their arms entwined, I was instructed to get into Lek’s automobile for the remainder of the drive to where we were to spend the night. Her son, accompanied by his girlfriend, was driving. Lek and I got into the back seat.
Apparently, Lek wanted to practice her english. So I listened to her story of growing up poor but through the sacrifices of her honest farmer parents and her hard work she became a nurse and labored 10 years in the emergency room of the local hospital. She now is retired and works as a part-time tour guide in the area. That is why she has to keep improving her english skills.
It was night now, the road rose gently into the mountains much like the roads into the Sierra when one climbs up from the Central Valley.
About an hour or so later, we arrived at a resort that straddles a river containing a stepped falls. Lights illuminated the falls until the river itself vanished into the shadows. The river was not very wide about 30 feet or so, but what it lacked in breadth in made up in exuberance. I counted at least 23 major steps to the falls each about 3 to 4 feet high until they disappeared above and below me into the gloom of the jungle. Innumerable smaller falls were interspersed among the larger ones as well as on the many lesser streams that discharged into the main water course. Some of these tributaries passed under and around the resort buildings.
The name of the place was “Bamboo Hut Resort” and indeed it included a large bamboo structure that housed an open walled restaurant and reception area. About eight similarly constructed (but enclosed) small cabins made up the remainder of the resort.
We rented two nice cabins with double king sized beds perched directly over the falls. Being exhausted by the events of the day, I needed to sleep so I took one of the cabins while everyone else partied in the other. Teddy Bear Boy was assigned as my cabin mate. Despite that, the surprisingly mesmerizing roar and rumble of the falls and my fatigue put me right to sleep and I slept undisturbed until morning .
1521 Martin Luther appears at the Roman Catholic Assembly, the Diet of Worms. (This tidbit appears in a list entitled “A Timeline of Culinary History.”)
“I don’t know if I should Buenos Aires or Bonjour, or… this is such a melting pot. This is beautiful. I love the diversity. Yeah. There were a whole bunch of guys named Tony in the photo line, I know that.”
–Sarah Palin, Addressing a Charity of Hope gathering, Hamilton, Ontario, April 15, 2010. (Huh?).
Today’s Thailand news:
In the Bangkok Post today there appeared in the Letters to the Editor the following comment about the Thai Justice system: “A few utters in the Aug 17 edition say it all. On a day when the red shirt leaders were brought to court in leg irons and chains, [and] a lady aged 28 was jailed for 3-1/2 years for forging a document, a PAD (one of the Parties in the current ruling coalition) leader got a suspended sentence after being found guilty of the attempted murder of 5 policeman. ”
Today’s email from Thailand departs from my usual reports about my doings in this Paradise with mosquitos:
As most of you know for some time now I have exchanged emails with my cousin in spirit, Irwin. (In fact I seem to recall a forwarded prior email exchange that Irwin feared that he would be considered a misogynist. I assured him at the time that he needn’t worry women already know that most men are misogynists. If we weren’t we would be…well we would be women.) The correspondence between Irwin and I, usually covers serious topics such as “Prostate care for the elderly Male,” “Menstruation in Jewish Theology,” “The Role of Orange County as a Center of Art and Culture in the United States,” and my favorite, “Stilettos I have known and loved.” Our correspondence is being collected and will be published as “The Ashkenazi-Sicilian Correspondence.”
It may interest you to know that the Ashkenazi Jews and the Sicilians share a common ancestor, one of the fabled “Nine Daughters of Eve” named “Katrine.” Our common ancestor lived about 15,000 to 25,000 years ago in an area just north of modern Venice and south of the eastern alpine passes. It can be surmised from the fact that Katrine lived along one of the major travel routes of the time and from the robustness and intelligence of he progeny, that she plied the trade of entertaining male travelers after their frigid crossings of the mountains and that business was very good for her. It has been said by some that the famous “Ice man of the Alps” was on his way to spend the evening with that fabled beauty before he met his untimely end. I doubt that, since our suitor was born about 10,000 years too late. On the other hand the quality of the services of our fabled ancestor were legendary and legends like that die hard, especially among men.
Anyway, Irwin’s full name is Irwin Schatzman (My spell check always tries to rewrite it as “Statesman.” Some people have all the luck, it tries to rewrite my name as “petroleum.”) Irwin always wanted to become an opera singer but could never gain the weight. He also wanted to become a comedy writer but unfortunately he is Jewish and that position is already taken.
Like me, Irwin was in the land use racket, first as a planner then as a developer and a lobbyist. He is my age more or less but has less hair on his head then I do. He recently admitted to me he has fewer teeth as well. I on the other hand am far further along on the road to senility than he is.
Irwin suffers from anxiety because he is Jewish and fears that someone will mistake him for Norwegian. As a result he has sought professional help and has been prescribed medications. That prompted the following is a recent communication between him and his doctor that cc’d to me and my response thereto.
“Sent: 8/13/2010 2:14 PM
To: Office of D_____ R_______ C_______ MD
Subject: buspirone busted
i think i’ve presided over a fair trial for mr. buspirone. Now, i am convicting him for fraudulent promise. Evidence suggests that even with two tabs two times a day, panic attacks, including one today on the 405, are still occurring. Without tabs Tuesday morning’s cataract surgery was accomplished sans blood pressure, panic nor even the breaking of a tiny sweat.
Unless i receive other counsel from you, I am sentencing mr. buspirone (is he italian?) to immediate execution by trash receptacle – I have elected to use confinement in the brown “other trash” receptacle thus not providing a sense of hope which might be implied by placement in the “blue” recyclables container.
Unless there is an anxiety drug that actually works well on a hyper-vigilant old jew, i shall stick with one-half of occasional xanax before embarking on California’s gift to the justice system (except at rush hour) aka the 405.
His Doctor D____R____C____ MD responded:
“Executioner’s song understood.
AKA – okay to can the buspirone if not helpful.”
After receiving copies of the correspondence, I wrote Irwin the following:
“Your doctor uses three names. You, of course, know that most serial killers use three names.”
(Note to all: If he says his name is Bobby Dork, then you know he is what he says he is. If, however, he introduces himself as Bobby Stanley Dork, run.)
“When I lived in Sicily, the Buspirone’s lived next door to me. Mr. Buspirone was always giving Mrs. Buspirone anxiety attacks. So, when Mr Buspirone would leave for work in the morning she would take two large doses of petrillo to help her through the day.”
It is important that you send this on to your five best friends or five worst enemies within the next three days and 43 minutes. If you do not and you are a male you will be immediately and suddenly circumcised and if you already are circumcised, your foreskin will grow back. If you are a women and do not forward this within the allotted time, you will be added to the mailing list for Irwin’s blog “OY1.”